Pray silence for the synthesizer

If you've downloaded the Pro-53 synthesizer demo, you're going to be having fun with it. So open it up, make sure you're on "Super Sync Lead" and then turn "Attack" and "Decay" in the filter section all the way to the left. Now press this sequence of keys.
y (hold) t, y, i, e (hold) , w, e, t, q(hold), m, (comma key), /, n (hold), m, (comma key) and then Repeat. You should end up with something like "Da Funk" by Daft Punk. Godbye...

And now, a brief moment of sanity

Yes, after pasting all those little nuggets of...something from my Bebo, I feel extremely tired. To inform those who are interested, I am now £45 away from buying theremin and sitting staring at it because I wont be able to afford a mic stand, cable or amp. But anyway.

Soon there will be a new Maplin's electronics in Orpington, at the Nugent Estate. I will go there with my friend Hnery, and we will buy little switches and circuit bend little toys from charity shops. And you will hear about it. Also, I'll try and find a compression horn driver, and make me a talkbox.

And if you can bear all that, go over to http://www.native-instruments.com/index.php?id=pro53demo&L=1 and download the Pro-53 synthesizer. It's great. You can buy it if you want. If anyone finds a good talkbox sound setup, do tell me.

Will Brearley, signing off.

Shindiggery 5

As the slightly peculiar trio ran through the ship, round and round in circles through the same bloody corridoors over and over again beacause SOMEONE forgot the bloody map, Jenny had a thought. This was far too much for her, so she exploded. Henry stopped and took off his shoe. It was full of bailey's which he drank and continued. Will didn't do anything nearly as interesting as the other two.Then they arrived at the control room. They listened in to number 10 downing street, and heard the code. The code was: 018372752851724059874369017651093470958 247935173 Which henry noted down on his tongue for future reference. Henry, will, Jenny's body and her head walked back to the ship, and were unspectacularly catapulted back into space, on the way back to Earth. During the journey, Henry ate a total of -7 apples and Will took up knitting, and made Jenny a new head.

Shindiggery 4

"Prepare to dock with the satellite" came Betty's voice.Henry took the controls. He expertly manouvered the spacecraft into the docking station, until Jenny spat some chewing gum at him and he lost his aim. Apparently, cillit bang, chewing gum and saliva cause a small electronic storm within one's brain, causing them to spit chewing gum at people. Henry tried again. It worked.

* * * *

As the three entered that space station, they noticed how white it was. very white. Imagine paris hilton's teeth, then make them whiter, then shine a white laser in your eyes. that white.Will ran towards the control panel, holding the srewdriver. As he opened the fuse box, he removed the penis-shaped screwdriver from the set and prepared to fix the satellite. Then he fixed it. He hit the box again and again with the "dick-driver" as Jenny had named it. There was a hum. The space station was alive. Suddenly, a strange figure appeared around the corner. It was a resusitation (spelling?) dummy, called anamatronic anne! "Every day, a person is brought back to life through mouth to mouth" said Anne "And I'm bloody well getting bored of it. I want to die!" So Henry wheeled her into the airlock and opened it. She died.

Shindiggery 3 and a half

I know that the 1...2....20 million people out there who read my blog really give a toss about the events elsewhere in the universe, so I will explain, in a little bite-sized chunk of bullcrap about the mysterious appearance of the screwdriver set in the rocket.
So...In south France, a dog ran into an office. He shouldn't have been there, so the people in the office chased him. When the dog was out side, he sat down on an onion. This hurt. A lot. So the dog ran around screaming. While a small french man was about to fart in the dog's general direction, a woman in england knocked over a desk lap. The onion turned into a screwdriver, shot out of the dogs arse and disappeared, materialising back inside the spaceship.

Shindiggery 3

It was a chavvy alien who appeared to called Vinny! "alien creature detected." said the alien creature detector siren.
"The alien creature detector siren is going off!" shouted Henry
"Jenny, the alien creature detector siren is going off!" shouted will
"This is mission control" said Betty "I'm detecting the alien creature detector siren going off." There was a whoosh from the radio "Betty, I think were losing you!" called Will
"No, its not that, signals are at 100%" replied Betty.
"Where are you?"
"By the side of the M25, the car broke down and you went off without me. Anyway, you've left your screwdriver and I was going to bring it to you, but I'm sure you have one. oh,crike."
"We need to get to the satellite to listen in to Gordon's conversation and find out the abort code. Without that screwdriver, we'll never fix it." Said Henry.
"Why, is it broken?" asked Jenny.
"Yes."
"uuggghhh.... Can I come in please, I'm outside of your 'spacecraft'" came Vinnie's voice
"Why should we let you in?"
"Because I have these!" It was a set of screwdrivers, containing the exact same one we needed."I just popped down Tesco 'spress 'n Grabbed em innit."
"Shut up." said Henry, and electrocuted the strange creature using the handy tazer Will had built into the windscreen wiper. Due to an incident in France involving an onion, a dog and a rather small desk lamp, the screwdriver set appeared in a puff of convenience, through a gap in the space-time continuum/plot. Read shindiggery 3 and a half to find out about this incident.

Shindiggery 2

Henry, jenny and Will were in the rocket. A voice crackled over the radio. "This is mission control. Yes, Betty, from Dartford". It was Henry's auntie Betty, from Dartford. "launch in 3,2,1 Blast off".
"that was rather unspectacular." said Henry.
"I agree" agreed Will
"who's dropped one?" Questioned Jenny.
"It's nature Jenny. Just like this". Half of America collapsed into the sea due to the golbal warming from Henry's fart. but no one cared. The rocket was now in space. Henry began to sing a rather annoying song about Grunt Futtock's amazing musical Hobgoblins, and Jenny passed out every few minutes. We won't go into what will was doing. A flash of beige flew past the window. Henry looked up. "Was that... Burberry?" he asked nervously. Then, the hideous creature rose up toward the window. "'Ave it ma homies, word up to all ma family in prison innit!"Henry threw up.
"It's a..... Space chav!!!".....

Shindiggery 1

Revel in the insanity (copied across from my bebo)

The earth is in crisis. A whopping great missile is about to be fired from a satellite that someone put in space, and will destroy the whole world. The only people with the abort codes are Gordon Brown and his minion, Ken Livingstone. The Orpington council has decided to fight this, using state of the art technology, a hacksaw, a squirrel and a lawyer. The have decided to fire a rocket up to the Orpington satellite and use it to listen in to Gordon Brown's conversation. Unfortunately, Orpington's rocket is broken, so the local MP asks the US to borrow one of theirs. America says no. Then, a boy conveniently enough named Will remembers that he was building one in his back garden a few years ago. As far as he knows, it works. He offers it to service on the condition that he goes on the trip and gets to wear a jazzy uniform, and that there will be lots of fire. Orpington agrees, so Will is shoved on the focket with his friends Henry and Jenny...

Do not feed the cretins.

Welcome to my blog. Here you will find small snippets of my life, the story of my ongoing quest for a theremin, my epic story "Shindiggery" and probably a few other oddities that you could have done without. Keep your hands and feet inside the browser at all times, play responisbly and always exercise modulation.